3 hours ago
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Bacon Officially Linked to Eternal Damnation
Unfortunately, the AP reported that all religions have jointly decreed that bacon indeed is the main cause for eternal damnation. This was found to be the case when field reporters Dante and Virgil were reporting on the overwhelming obesity in Hell. The original Commandments will now be revised and trimmed to solely one commandment and golden rule:
1. Eat Bacon And You Will Burn in Hell.
Further research concludes that bacon was indeed built as a weapon of mass destruction, which it turns out was evacuated out of Iraq just as U.S. soldiers arrived. Rumors and unconfirmed reports have also alleged that bacon was indeed part of a larger terrorist attack on the human afterlife. They are currently pinpointing Osama Bin Laden as a possible suspect in this widespread conspiracy.