Thursday, May 14, 2009

Hot Food Porn @ Bloodhound Pig-Out Event

Once again yesterday, I was rolling with the 4505 Meats and Fatted Calf at the Bloodhound Pig Out event. It was a blast to cook for a ridiculously sold out crowd - of course, until they started cornering me while I was in the middle of piling meat onto little slider rolls. I desperately tried to offer the dirty look to the hands that were attempting to reach into the pile of meat I was working with, but the animals around me were almost fearless.

I'd like everyone to first understand that I'm a red-blooded human being with all the virtues and follies that normally defines what a man should be. While I may have days where I am no more than the bluntest of objects, I am definitely not an idiot when it comes to women who think they are often infinitely cuter, hotter, cuddlier and more persuasive than they really are. Last night there were definitely more than one girl who pulled the whole too cute, "can you please look at how good I look and how cute I sound, so that you'd do me a super special itty bitty favor and give me some of that meat (literal of course) you got, so I don't have to go in line and wait." Or sometimes, some girls do the whole syrupy charade act of, "oh, can I just get some for my friends who are all really hot girls and really didn't get a chance to taste that. Really we're all hot girls that love to put meat in our mouths." Do some women really think that I am so seriously blind that I do not notice when you roll in with your own sausage party in tow? It's not that I don't think I have enough willpower to resist a woman pulling the stops to get what she wants, but give me a little more credit when it comes to sniffing out the bullshit. Make it a little more fun, throw in a little more banter and charm - I'm not looking for A-game or a skirt-hike here, but I'd definitely appreciate it if you didn't decide to mail it in. What I am saying is, I am not a pimple-faced sucker, but I still respect and appreciate the game and will reward a little bit of creativity and effort. At least, it keeps me somewhat entertained.

And for you dudes, don't even bother. Your best bet is that you were part of the sausage party in tow.

On the Menu or what I remember of it:
-Butchered Pig Meat and Parts, seasoned, grilled and served cut
-Mini Roasted Pork Shoulder Sliders
-Hillbilly "Gringo" Tacos with slice 'o whitebread
-Corndogs, dawg
-Pork Pate
-Spicy Meat on Stick (Pork)
-Chicharrrrrrrroooooonnnessss



Big Meat

Bigger Longer and Uncut Meat

The Only Vegetables Seen LastNight

Sweet Doggy Dog

Herding Pigs The Size of Shnauzers, But They're Piggies
Yippe Aye Yay ... Mini Piggie Sliders...

Video!





A Real Sausage Party

A Sea of Meat

Josh Doin' Work.
A Spike Lee Joint

An Assortment of Pig Parts on Massive Grill


Nobody Dislikes Meat On Sticks
...unless you're PETA, but they're actually robots led by a command center located inside Pamela Anderson's boobs. They're aging rapidly and now out of fashion.

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