Thursday, July 16, 2009

Open Letter To A Troubling Situation

Yesterday on my Hot Food Porn email account, I received this troubling letter:

Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire
West Africa
Dearest One


Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you.
I am glades Fathia kala the only daugther of late Mr and Mrs George kala from the republic of sierra loene. My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant based in Abidjan, the economic capital of Cote D'Ivoire before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discuss on a business deal.
When my mother died when i was a baby, my father took me so special because I am motherless. Before the death of my father on 27th June 2005 in a private hospital here in Abidjan. He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of $9.500.000 left in a security company here in Cote d'ivoire, that he used my name as her only daugther for the next of kin in deposit of the consignment
Further more he also explained to me that it was because of this wealth and some huge amount of money his business associates supposed to balance him from the deal they had that he was been poisoned.He then advised that I should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of my choice who will assist me retrieve this consignment and transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, then I would want you to provide your personal contacts including your phone/fax number for easier communication.

I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.
1) I want you to help me retrieve this money from the security company here and transfer it to your account for onward investment in your country.
2) You are going to be the manager of this fund and also my personal guardian until I finished my studies as I'm just 23 years old..
3) You are going to procure admission for me to continue my studies in one of the known university in your country.
4) Moreover, I am willing to offer you 25% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful retrieve of this consignment from the security company here.
And I am willing to proceed with you as soon as I have your response.
Anticipating to hear from you soon.

Miss Glades Fathia Kala

After hearing of such an important and intriguing dire situation, I could not help but respond.

Dear Miss Glades Fathia Kala,

I am so sorry this situation has befallen you. It is such a tragedy with all that has transpired. You solution seems logical and I am ready to head to the bank to get you all the account numbers so that we can perform this transfer. I feel I can properly manage your funds into a successful chain of Cheesecake Factories and eventually an empire of Panda Expresses to ptroperly represent the Chinese food community all across the world. As your future manager, I must first offer you some fiscal advice in these dire times.

I would first suggest that you pull out of your studies immediately and cash out all assets to build a fund that will help us in these retrieval services. We will require many strong dangerous men and scantily clad women if we are to succeed in warding off and intimidating your father's many business partners. Please send the money via money order to the general P.O. Box that I will provide you. You will not be safe in your college environment, so moving to a remote place is a must. I would suggest the fine city of Detroit or a state like Alaska would work. Another note that may come off sounding all wrong, but considering your current grammar, you may want to enroll later on to continue your studies at one of our fine local community colleges.

Thank you.

Your Future Fiscal Manager,

Hot Food Porn

1 comment:

  1. It's funny, to say the whole truth I am so much excited by what you posted here.