Monday, August 24, 2009

Hot Food Porn or Hot Pornstar Food?

Found these randomly… not sure if this is relevant, but since this blog is called Hot Food Porn, it would be interesting to see how a pornstar (super hot Aria Giovanni in Hollywood Tuna Cooking 101 videos) cooks food.  Because the relationship between food and the porn industry is practically as tight as meat and potatoes.

I’m seriously in the belief that Aria should take some personal lessons from myself.  Someone needs to set this up.  It would be strictly for her informational purposes.  I mean I’d really get nothing out of the deal other than the satisfaction that I am teaching a person some necessary life skills.

I posted the videos below with some commentary and though I may be hard at times on Aria (no pun intended), I will say she has a very watchable quality with or without the spectacular boobs.  She, in a pornstar inaccessible way, feels like an every woman trying to teach a man some super simple basics (which she may require help with as well) so that he doesn’t look like a talentless dickwad to his significant other.  The fact that Aria knows some of the basics shown here already probably puts her in the 70 percentile of women who know how to cook in her generation.  This is probably a sad truth. I will say that Aria was infinitely more watchable than 75% of the shows on Food network.  If someone had half a brain, they’d give her some lessons to polish some skills and put her on her own cooking show.   And, if someone had miracle worker hands, they’d let me be the person giving her the lessons.  The effort to cook and do it somewhat properly is quickly catapulting Aria on my favorite pornstar list, if there ever was one.

Onto the videos:

Pasta Sauce

She probably could have used some meat in that sauce.  No sexual reference intended, but if she seared some meat and deglazed with wine, it would have been a better sauce.  And she needed to run her pasta through some cold water to stop it from cooking…I doubt a hot girl like Aria would be impressed with anything other than al dente.  I’d definitely say this is infinitely more enjoyable than watching Giada…

 

Hard Boiled Eggs

Aria here has the timing and science pretty right on with the boiling eggs, she even explains how to avoid cracking the eggs and applying cold water to stop the heat from over cooking the egg.  A+ for effort Aria.  Probably her best video.  Her wardrobe selection also gets an A+.

 

Egg Salad

Her egg dicing technique leaves something to be desired here, its pretty much of the Rachael Ray variety.  I think this is where I could really help her.  Her mixing technique however is unmatched,  truly the work of a champion.  Plus points for adding capers because the brine really makes the egg shine.

 

Fried Egg

This must have been her first video, but its also one of the most revealing.  I’m not talking about her boobs, but rather the fact that she took a metal spatula here to a non stick pan.  I was really disappointed when I first saw this, but she seems to get better at the other videos.  So I must say, I give her credit for not giving up and continuing her cooking drive.

 

“Omelette” actually a scramble

I think her producers really screwed her here when they decided to call this segment “omelette.”  Clearly this is a scramble.  I give her props for the consistency of the eggs and her beating technique, but she really loses me by not cooking with butter here and practically forgetting to salt.  SALT and BUTTER, the cornerstones of cooking.  I almost wanted to stop watching.  Almost.

 

Grilled Cheese

Once again, there is a lot of disappointment with the lack of butter.  Aria obviously looks like a very healthy girl, so she needs to know that natural butter is better for you.   But, I suppose a gal like that is likely worried about the fat content.  I will give it to her for putting tomato in her grilled cheese and for doubling up the slices.  Because there’s no dicking around when it comes to my tomato in my grilled cheese. 

2 comments:

  1. Watching Aria make that omlette insprired me to make some scrambled eggs :]

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  2. oh, I'd like to be on this kitchen and cook with Aria ;) You know what I means gyuz ;)

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