Friday, October 2, 2009

Are you serious? - EATER FAIL





I hope this is sarcasm. I really hope they're not serious about giving bloggers $25 bux to shut themselves down. I mean I've got a list of bloggers or people (including some of the more popular ones), I'd pay a LOT more to see disappear. But just like you would ignore the flies that swim around in a turd pile, you ignore the other websites. After all, if you want to start being a national contender, act like one. You've got to stop mixing it up with the pretenders because, being absolutely obtuse to any other random asshole/blogger out there is pretty much the golden standard here at Hot Food Porn. It's true greatness that I strive for in this profitless empire of food porn.

Now if you could only offer people money/incentives to take down their Yelp accounts... then you got something. And that's my idea, so people better not take credit for it. A Hot Food Porn "Shut Your Yelping Trap Party" would be awesome... c'mon Eater, you know you want to sponsor it. Maybe I can open like 50 blogs the next couple of days and shut them down for shits and giggles - that'd be $1250 bux of cold hard cash.

*updated: I realize there was some fine print on rules on how long you've been blogging (30 days) and a limit to how much money they're throwing out for shutting down bloggers, but then again, blogger allows you to backdate entries, so much for that.



Wednesday, September 30, 2009

How To Deal With A Bug In Your Sandwich - A HFP Choose Your Own Adventure


My coworker today found a beetle coming out of his turkey sandwich. Without a doubt, the most obnoxious and disgusting thing to happen is to find new protein groups that are unlisted in the sandwich description. Thankfully, he didn’t quite eat enough of the sandwich to feel like a total sucker, but let’s say he wasn’t particularly thrilled about the prospect of getting turkey spread with beetle juice.

When he got back from lunch, he approached me and asked how I would handle the situation. Looking more in depth, here are the logical responses. All the links on this post have a date of August 3rd because I had to find a way to publish and hide the files on my blogger page. It's stupid I know, just ignore it and do not go to posts on August 3rd week, follow links for the game:


Let’s play Hot Food Porn: Restaurant Choose Your Own Adventure:

1. Call the sandwich shop.

2. Call the health department.